20080817 ;
8/17/2008 11:56:00 AM
Disappointed. That's the feeling now. The first thing that came into my mind is actually that incident. In fact I don't think the four of them know about it though. Yes I'm using my blogposts to tell you how much I'm affected. Pat, Fat, Naf, Den, I don't understand why that's such misunderstanding that you guys think I'm not interested in playing flute anymore. And I don't understand why you guys can just assumed that I'm not interested in going back for band practices. Now that I knew about it, it really sucks to know that I'm being left out. Most importantly, I wasn't aware of anything in the first case.
When we went out together the previous time to eat at Seoul Garden, you guys were shocked when I said I intended to go back to Jss Alumni band practices. Do you know one of the main reasons is actually because of Bitches? I really enjoyed playing songs together in the past, and I actually miss the time. Maybe you guys think that "Nvm lah you just join us for the band practices again lah". Wtf I don't have the courage to do so anymore. Being misunderstood, being assumed (wrongly), do you know how much it hurts? Maybe it's the stuffs I said last time, so you guys think that I'm not interested in playing flute or joining band. But when I told the four of you that I intended to go back for band practices, you guys were happy that I made this choice and we started to talk about the times we had together. Now that I think about it, I don't think anyone remembers my words right after that. "Its not that we don't want to tell you but we know you don't want to play flute anymore mah" After 1 whole year of slacking (actually 2 years), do you think I can bring up the courage to play flute once again? I was once a good player, so the thinking that I might not be as good as the past scares me. But what makes you guys think that I don't want to play flute anymore? Is it the stuffs I've said in the past? Just tell me. I don't know. I don't understand. But the only thing I can say, playing flute well is one of the proudest things I've done in my life.
Probably you guys just forget. Probably you guys just don't remember I'm part of it. Just tell me once you read my blog. I can't bring myself to talk to you guys directly in the face. This is not a matter about band practices now. It's about the trust I've in you guys. I'm sorry to say that the trust is perhaps.. gone.
seeking..
